At the Intersection of Privilege and Ignorance: “what I do in bed isn’t your f***ing business”

Below this video on YouTube, a string of harsh comments littered the screen. People trashed one another, groups of people, and others. When I watched the video, this comment was at the top:

agelessrocker: Equality, but not MORE equality. You got your marriage, you got your equal rights, now shut up about where you stick your junk, and that I’m supposed to care.

Well, I must admit that just hit me the wrong way; indeed, the only way I think it could have possibly hit me. The comment came straight from the land where privilege and ignorance live happily ever after and the rest of the world and “its problems” are out of sight and out of mind.

First, an entire and diverse community of people is shoved into “you.” It is certainly likely that is a “me” versus “you,” and more broadly “us” versus “them.” This “you” is then further reduced to “where you stick your junk.”

Secondly, who “got” marriage? Equal rights? Where? When? Did I miss something? Some people did, of course. Once upon a time in the United States it was just white propertied men who got rights, then others began to gain rights bit by bit over time. Make no mistake, we are not all equal yet. For example, the right to marriage, the right to employment, the right to be free from discrimination, right to a fair trial, right to privacy… these are just a few of the rights denied to those who challenge or are perceived to challenge “norms” or sexuality, sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or gender expression.

Let me take up that last one: the right to privacy. According to this “agelessrocker,” “what I do in bed isn’t your f***ing business.” Alas, that is simply not the case. Sex is political. Sex is regulated by the government. Consenting adults can be arrested for consensual sex acts that occur in their own bedrooms if the police barge in (it has happened and it is legal). Seems what people do in their beds IS the government’s “f***ing business.” And if, in the eyes of those who persecute sexual and gender minorities, a gay person is gay because they have gay sex, well, that just seems to make what people do in their beds everyone’s business, doesn’t it? Haven’t we heard before that someone can be gay as long as they don’t act on it? What, exactly, is “acting” on “being” “gay”?

When it comes to sex, sexuality, sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression, none of the above are private. When we are born, we get one of two words stamped on our birth certificates: FEMALE or MALE. Then we get a pink or blue hat put on our heads to wear so everyone can be sure that we are one or the other. Before we can even sit up on our own, someone will say to the proud parents, “He is going to be a lady killer!” OR “Just wait until she is 16! You’re going to have to chase the boys away!” We will soon be put in dresses OR pants. Our hair will be kept long and eventually put in braids and bows OR it will be cut short. We will be given dolls OR trucks. And so on. Flash forward to when we might start having crushes. The dentist will ask a girl if she has a boyfriend yet. The older family member will ask the boy if he is courting a lady. The boy will be told “what boys do” and the girl will be told “what girls do” again and again and again by everyone everywhere explicitly and implicitly.

Come middle school or high school, people might begin to discover that, against everything they have ever been told by their families, their churches, the media, the toy store, the clothing store, their friends, their teachers, advertisements, TV, and so on, like someone who once wore the same color baby cap as they did, or that they just don’t feel that the cap assigned to them was the right one. I am sad to say that I do not believe that a single person who has ever made a similar discovery has ever been completely comfortable for it, accepted for it, or unafraid. It is a frightening discovery when it means that the equality once enjoyed as a fellow citizen, classmate, employee, human… is now threatened if not denied altogether, both here in the United States and around the world. As citizens, classmates, employees, humans, and so on, we are all equal. However, if, in addition to being one of these things, we are also (or are perceived to be) a sexual or gender minority, and for that matter, many other minorities, we lose our rights at every level, from local to state to regional to national to international.*

Bothered by the “agelessrocker’s” blatant display of inflammatory misinformed discrimination, I felt the need to respond. Have no fear, the “agelessrocker” also felt the need to respond once again, as with other arguments across the page with that username in the forefront of it all.

steelmagnolia11: @agelessrocker It’s either equal or it isn’t. Right now, people do not have equal rights. “Gay rights” are not “special” or “MORE” (which is like unique: either it’s unique or it isn’t; something can’t be “more unique” than something else). These efforts are […] simply to achieve the SAME rights to ALL Americans, not those who, in your words, “stick their junk” in the “right” place. Not everyone has marriage, not everyone has rights, and not everyone will as long as blind ignorance prevails.

agelessrocker: @steelmagnolia11 I’m not against equal rights…….dumbass…but I don’t feel a need to identify myself by my sexual orientation……I’m a person, a citizen, a man, etc…….what I do in bed isn’t your fucking business.

Whether or not you feel the need, the rest of the world does. If a person, a citizen, a man, etc… does the “right” things (wears pants, dates girls, for examples), “equality” is his for the taking. If he does the “wrong” things (dates boys, for example) those rights disappear. Funny how quickly what we do in bed seems to become everyone else’s “f***ing business.”

Lastly, no debate is ever improved with insulting anyone. Name calling is a waste of precious time we could spend learning from one another. If calling me or anyone else a “dumb***” and cursing is the best a person has to attempt an argument, that’s simply a shame.

* A sampling of some of the rights denied to LGBTQQAI people can be found here.

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